It’s a bizarre concept is the ‘queue.’ As Western, supposedly superior societies, become more self-obsessed, we advocate the virtue of waiting in line, in turn for our share of the spoils: whether that be a new product, entry to a concert or waiting to see a flag draped over her Majesty's catafalque.

It is the acceptable face of societal etiquette: the visual representation of true equality: where the gilded, the rich and the famous are, for a short while, brought back to Joe Averageville. It really is a great leveller.

Yet as we get het up about Holly n’ Phil allegedly not queuing, as the ‘be kind’ rhetoric becomes yet another faded relic of a soundbite we preach but do not practice. There are acceptable forms of queue jumping that mainly those with high disposable incomes use frequently but not a word is uttered in protest.

 

Members of the public in the queue between Westminster Bridge and Lambeth Bridge in London, as they wait to view Queen Elizabeth II lying in state ahead of her funeral on Monday. Picture date: Sunday September 18, 2022.

Members of the public in the queue between Westminster Bridge and Lambeth Bridge in London, as they wait to view Queen Elizabeth II lying in state ahead of her funeral on Monday. Picture date: Sunday September 18, 2022.

 

When you visit a theme park, after paying a ransom for the pleasure of queuing for an hour for 30 seconds enjoyment, we watch on as the fast-track ticket holders, by virtue of being richer than thee, gleely jump the queues.

If you order off Amazon, there can be a wait for products to arrive, yet its acceptable to pay for ‘Prime’ and receive the ‘must have’ product within 24 hours. Even if you’re ill, we then look toward waiting around for a face-to-face appointment, or death, whichever may come first, before plumping for private healthcare, in order to jump the queue. On the airlines the same situation plays out with ‘priority boarding’ (I’ve never seen the point myself: it just means you spend even longer in the sterile environment of a plane's belly), as you yet again pay for your entitlement, and on it goes.

In certain situations, there are never queues. Catching a bus or tube in London is pretty much survival of the fittest, and a free for all, as any etiquette in those two environments goes out the window, yet pop over the road to the nearest Greggs and its back in play.

 

Members of the public in the queue near Lambeth Bridge in London, as they wait to view Queen Elizabeth II lying in state ahead of her funeral on Monday. Picture date: Sunday September 18, 2022.

Members of the public in the queue near Lambeth Bridge in London, as they wait to view Queen Elizabeth II lying in state ahead of her funeral on Monday. Picture date: Sunday September 18, 2022.

 

And then of course we had the mother of all queues, as those with legitimate reasons queued to pass the Queen's coffin for 30 seconds. Waiting in line for up to 24 hours, they trudged wearily, yet merrily, for over five miles, forging new friendships and uniting in a common cause, yet woe betide anyone who dared contemplate not putting in the time.

Now I have researched those who ‘jumped’ the queue and it seems there is little, if any, information freely available. The pictures of Holly n’ Phil clearly show ITV news anchor Mary Nightingale standing directly behind the Good Morning Two. Others to take ‘advantage of the system were members of the press and numerous MPs who seem to be very quiet on the subject now the proverbial excreta storm has hit the fan.

 

David Beckham queued for 12 hours. Picture: BBC

David Beckham queued for 12 hours. Picture: BBC

 

The reason for the fury, and the story, inadvertently lies with David Beckham who, although a hero of mine until he ill advisably damaged his brand after he clutched the Qatari millions, has re cemented his image as a man of the people, having queued up for hours to pay his respects. Still looking as fresh as a daisy upon his tearful arrival at the coffin (no doubt courtesy of his manscaping skincare range), his actions were undertaken in the right spirit, and not for publicity as some said, as the public rightly lauded his actions in not taking an accepted invite to join the H n’ P negative front page splashes.

This situation therefore comes down to one question and one question only: If its OK for journalists to have had priority entry, which it is, as you can’t expect them to queue for 15 hours with their kit each time they want to run a news story: are Holly and Phil journalists? I would argue they are, as is Mary Nightingale, and maybe we should be re directing our ire toward politicians who have no valid reason for going VIP to rubberneck the passing of the nation’s matriarch.

Not that I much care for either presenter, but I cannot feel that, in lieu of anyone else to vent their spleen at, as we move through the bitterness and blame stage of grief, they were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time and the vitriol has vastly outweighed the alleged ‘crime.’

 

Members of the public in the queue near Tower Bridge in London, are reflected in a shop window as they wait to view Queen Elizabeth II lying in state ahead of her funeral on Monday. Picture date: Saturday September 17, 2022.

Members of the public in the queue near Tower Bridge in London, are reflected in a shop window as they wait to view Queen Elizabeth II lying in state ahead of her funeral on Monday. Picture date: Saturday September 17, 2022.

 

Anyhow, must dash: My daughters been nagging me for some concert tickets which are released at 9am this morning and, with my new superfast broadband and having pre-ordered the album, I get ‘priority’ entry to the ticketing system as I, like you, are self-entitled and I deserve it a little more than the average bear, don’t I?

  • Brett Ellis is a teacher