The perils of being edited on screen (From Borehamwood Times)

The perils of being edited on screen

11:15am Friday 29th May 2009

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Did you know Paul Welsh was once Simon Cowell’s employer? Neither did he — until he saw it on television.

In a couple of weeks’ time it will be the annual Elstree and Borehamwood Festival parade and for the first time since 1977 I will not be walking the route.

I know these days it is a shadow of what it was in the Eighties but it is well worth supporting such community events.

It can also be fun to participate. I remember in the late Seventies borrowing a Star Wars stormtrooper costume from 20th Century Fox and walking what was then a four-mile route.

The problem was you couldn’t see the first two feet in front of you and you couldn’t bend your legs properly so there was no way to jump onto a float for a lift on what was a very hot day.

Then in 2005 I dressed up as a Second World War soldier to celebrate the 60th anniversary of VE day.

I remember borrowing a replica rifle that had been used in Saving Private Ryan and having to get a letter from the police to authorise me to carry it around the streets of Borehamwood. I guess we are all children at heart.

I recently clocked up my 50th television appearance since 1982 this time in honour of music mogul Simon Cowell.

The programme was trailed all week on Channel 5 and the trailer featured ten-second sound bites from his mum, his brother, an employee, Piers Morgan and myself captioned as employer.

Well if ever the young Simon was a Festival steward in the Seventies I don’t remember, but I think they were using literary license as I was representing Elstree past when he was a £15-a-week runner on Return Of The Saint.

The filming took about two hours and was, as usual, cut down to a clip of me talking for about one minute.

I long ago learnt to keep answers short, which makes it difficult for them to edit or talk over you in case they try and send you up.

My first television interview was with the campaign to save our old cinema that once stood near the present-day studio roundabout.

I was positioned in the foyer and gave what I thought was a great answer, reasoning why the cinema should be kept.

Then I was told there had been a fault with the camera. (No, the lenses had not cracked.) They asked me to do it again, but said to say something different so it sounded fresh.

Well, I told everybody to watch my momentous appearance on the small box, only to notice when it was transmitted that I had been standing in front of a current film poster.

It was advertising Meat Balls, but my head was obscuring the word meat, leaving an appropriate comment on my debut.

Anyway, back to Simon or he will get annoyed. When it was decided we would honour him with a plaque at Elstree Studios in 2006, I knew the letter raising the idea could get lost in the mail bags full of post his office receives.

Therefore I gave it to a trusted friend who placed it in his hand at a recording of X Factor with the comment ‘you can trust this man’ .

A few days later he contacted me to say he would be delighted and it brought him back some happy memories of many, many years earlier.

On the day we had the Borehamwood Com.unity choir and local singer Rob Dodkin perform for him. The guest unveiller was his old mate Pete Waterman, who had agreed to help me.

Simon was a hit with everyone posing for photos and showing a warmer, more polite side than his TV image. He is a complex man and not always a happy one.

He recently revealed: “I suffer dark moods of depression for no apparent reason and when I look up my diary and see I am booked every day for 18 months ahead, I wonder what I am doing, but then I would hate to retire.”

He admits to being very competitive, loves the attention of fame and adulation. Over here we don’t appreciate how big he is in the States.

American Pop Idol continues to be the most viewed programme, and he recently had to turn down an invite for dinner with the US President due to his schedule.

When I was walking Simon to his car after the unveiling, he said: “This was the first personal award I have received and I can’t get over how the choir, the singer and everyone gave up so much of their time. I don’t get emotional much nowadays but this was one of those occasions.”

He thanked me for my appearance on an American TV documentary about him and signed a copy of his autobiography with the words “to a true English gentleman with sincere thanks”.

I wonder what he would say if I turn up at the auditions of X Factor with my rendition of Hi Ho Silver Lining . Perhaps they can decide if I am pitch perfect or tone deaf.

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