Rhyme and reasoning

3:50pm Thursday 9th November 2006

"I sit here to write you a letter; a letter to wish you well; I tell you I don't like you; I don't like who you are."

This is the opening verse of Last Chance, one of the poems written by Emma Spiegler in her newly published collection of poems, Missing Mummy - Living in the Shadow of an Alcoholic Parent.

Few people have to go through what Ms Spiegler, of Danziger Way, Well End, had to endure as a child as her mother abused alcohol.

Many of her poems, the first written when she was 16, bristle with anger. The short Listen to Me reads: "I feel like a lost child; In the middle of a haystack; I am calling for you all to find me; But I call in a different tune; I crave for connection; Whilst life flashes before me; You inspire me; This reality I share with you; I feel is not mine; I walk upon a pathway; Alone."

So what was the inspiration behind the poetry? Ms Spiegler says it is two-fold: "For addicts, so they can see the affect their addiction has on their loved ones; it brings it home. And it may help children and adults that have grown up in a household with an addict - if they read my poetry it may help other people to express themselves."

When she says express themselves', she does not mean poetically. Sharing the burden, talking to people about the problems she had with her mother, helped greatly, she says.

Unsurprisingly, the 24-year-old, who works in administration for the London Borough of Hammersmith & Fulham, moved out of home as soon as she could. Despite that, and the fact that publishing the poems puts her mother's drinking problem out there for all to read, Ms Spiegler says she maintains a good relationship with her mother.

She said: "We're really close, and she's fine with the poems. Some are quite honest about her past, as well as mine. Some of it is quite angry, but I speak from a place of complete forgiveness and acceptance.

"For me, the most important thing for people going through something like I did is to find within themselves forgiveness and acceptance. If we can't forgive we are going to be dragged down with them."

Her mother's nine-month spell off the drink has also helped repair their relationship, but as with any alcoholic, the danger of relapse is never far away.

Ms Spiegler is confident her mother is off the booze for good this time.

She added: "I'm 99 per cent confident. She went to rehab in Scotland and something different happened from all the other rehab places she went to.

"Something clicked for her."

Ms Spiegler's collection is available from www.chip munkapublishing.com and Amazon.