The first time I saw a rat was on a trip to London when I was nine years old. I was with my mum and dad arching my head around them to see if the underground train was on its way.

I saw a little black, round thing with a very long tale scuttle across the track and I screamed in terror. My mother to calm me down said: "The rat is probably more scared of you than you are of it".

One thing that annoys me more than taxes, headlice and chewing gum on the heel of my new shoes is the children of the Royal family.

The press and public’s grievances have littered the newspapers recently with Princess Beatrice’s Belgravia “student” house, Prince William’s Chinook pilot “joyrides” and the generally undignified drunken
behaviour of them all.

As with the cast of EastEnders though not everyone is a “wrong ‘un” and I can’t help but like and possibly even admire some of the monarchy for their efforts.

Elections do funny things to people. Some candidates start spouting promises they know they will never be able to keep if elected, others deny ever having had anything to do with controversial matters or now-unfavourable decisions.

But the one that seems to throw councillors, their highly-paid officers and even the lawyers into almost complete pandemonium is the purdah period.

It has been far too long since I used this medium to have a proper good rant. Now seems as good a time as any for me to get a couple of things off my chest.

If you are in any way involved in the running of the NHS or Her Majesty’s court service, then I suggest you look away now.

On my way home last week I put my ipod on a random song selection and before I knew it a John Barrowman cover of "Feeling Good" was blasting in my ear. Frightened out of my mind I accidently elbowed the passenger sitting beside me on the train.

The previous week I had given my mum a present of his songs on a CD for Easter after downloading them from itunes.

A rather sweet gesture for my beloved ma turned into an audio nightmare for me.

A man last week advertised for a drinking companion for his 88-year old father so that he could escape the clutches of elderly loneliness and boredom. It's amazing what we'll do to please our parents although this is a rather dubious example of how to care for the elderly.

It's a worrying prospect for women in Hertsmere when they have to consider being turned away at a hospital when in the middle of labour pains.

Figures from Barnet Hospital revealed last week that they had to close their doors 101 times to pregnant women because their maternity department was full.

You wouldn't want to be a first time mother in this situation. In fact, you wouldn't want to be any type of mother-to-be in this situation.